Parenting - The Everyday Hero!

The Everyday Heros

What is means to be a parent

We each have our own perspective, experience, triumphs and challenges when it comes to being a parent. I am in my 22nd year as a parent with two children whom I have guided as best I can, and still do.  My parenting experience has been with my partner and love, who happens to be my wife, Marie Sierra.

We’re not perfect parents… no such thing. What makes me the happiest as a parent today is that both our 18 and 22 year old talk with us openly about everything, and I mean absolutely everything, no matter how shocking it might be.  This open communication has led to some tense moments, but in the end, it has resulted in the four of us having an authentic, meaningful and relevant relationship.

So what does it mean to be a parent?  For me it has do with how I help my children think and perceive.  For me, it doesn’t have anything to do with telling them what to do.  I tried that as a young parent and the result was conflict, and depending on their personality, they might do whatever they want anyway.  Even if a child has a laid back personality and tends to follow directions, eventually, they will breakout and decide on their own actions. Better to help them self-regulate and be outstanding critical and creative thinkers.

Take a moment now and ask yourself the question, 

“What does it mean to be a hero?”

Doesn’t a hero empower others?  Help others? Look for the good in others?  Is a role model for others?

Hold on… that sounds a lot like a parent!  

And I believe a parent is a hero.  The only real question is 

“What kind of hero/parent are you choosing to be?”

Here are some simple (not always easy) strategies which have helped Marie and me in our journey through parenthood.  

1. Ask your children questions as often as you can instead of making statements.  When you do, make sure to be patient enough to listen.

2. Read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and know your children’s love language preferences.  This will improve how you connect with them.  Ask your child the question, “How do you know I love you?”  Their answer will give you a clue as to how you can improve with how you show your love for them.

3. Read to your child everyday starting when they are in the womb.  When you do, and they interrupt you, give them time to say whatever it is they are saying.  Listen carefully and find a way to connect what they are saying, to the book or if that isn’t possible, connect their comments to their interests.

One of all-time favorites, "Jazzy in the Jungle" by Lucy Cousins!

Bilingual books that help young learners learn two languages!  They also introduce concepts like embracing multiple perspectives, seeing diversity as strength and looking for opportunity in adversity.  Co-written with my daughter Sam Sierra-Feldman 

www.SamTheAnt.com

The second book in the series.... it's one big story and each book has a perspective twist!

4. Make puppets with your children from old socks and markers.  Let your child make their own puppet, without your help or perhaps with a little help if needed.  Use the puppet to model different kinds of behaviors.  Encourage your child to be the puppets teacher.  Use the puppets to breathe deeply (see #7).

The famed puppet "Eddie the Elephant" who is known for helping children and adults learn how to breathe!  You can accomplish that and much more with a handmade puppet from a sock.

5. Play Early Classical music for your children like Mozart, Bach, and Vivaldi.

Great early classical compilation CD I produced in 2004 and is still heavily requested.  Found online at the above link.

6. Practice basic yoga with your children.  There are plenty of free videos on line.  Look for something that is at the beginner level and child-friendly.  This will set their body and mind up for success early on.

7. Breathe deeply with your children when they wake up, before meals and before going to bed.

Know that if you are a parent, you are a hero and if you see yourself as a hero, you’d make one heck of a parent!

Cheers!

Enrique

Co-Author, Sam the Ant Children’s Book Series

Music Producer of Music for Relaxed Environments

Music Producer of Children’s Music

Public Speaker

Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Child

Two pianos were sitting next to each other in a room.  A person sitting at one piano pressed one key, causing a tone to fill the air.   Instantly, the string responsible for creating the same tone on the OTHER piano began to vibrate.  This isn’t the start of a joke, but an experiment that has been tested by physics experts.  The tone created by the first piano is a wave of vibrations that are absorbed by the strings on the other piano.  The one string on that other piano capable of producing the same tone that filled the air, responds by amplifying its own vibration.

People behave in a similar manner as pianos.  When one person enters a room expressing emotion, it is quite likely that one or more other persons in that room are likely to instantly take on that emotion.  Has this ever happened to you; your significant other or child began to express an intensified level of joy, excitement, worry, fear or anger, and before you realized it, you too were feeling a similar sense of that same emotion?

We are emotional creatures and we are each capable of

taking on the emotion of someone we care about.  A close friend stops by with sad news and instantly we feel sad.  Our child arrives home announcing ecstatically that she’s won an award and we too are now feeling great joy.  Our significant other wakes up in a bad mood and we seem to absorb those vibrations, suddenly becoming moody ourselves.

The parents I work with complain to me about their children; the kids won’t cooperate, they scream “NO” at their parents, they talk back, they have frequent meltdowns, and they won’t help out, just to name a few of the common challenges.  Some of the common causes of these types of frustrating behaviors are created by the parents, and include: a lack of consistency in rules, little or no boundaries, talking too much, too many outside activities for the kids to keep up with, too much ‘screen time,’ and not enough parent/child connection time.

But one of the biggest causes is a lack of peace and calmness in the adults who care for the children.  Like the pianos, parents who have not been taking good care of themselves transmit negative frequencies to their families and then wonder why they aren’t getting the level of cooperation and peacefulness they desire.  If you want peaceful children, you must first become a peaceful parent.

When I prescribe this solution to some parents however, I’m quickly met with resistance.  I hear comments such as, “When I can afford a nanny or a housekeeper, then I can become more calm and peaceful.”  I remember the challenge myself; employed full-time, working hard to maintain a peaceful home, and raising three young children who liked to fight and challenge me every step of the way.

I realized that it was my responsibility to do whatever it took to learn how to calm myself and to take better care of me.  I quickly discovered that during weeks when I made time to take care of myself physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally, it became easier for me to know how to handle situations at home and my children became easier to care for.  So what will YOU do this week to take better care of you?  Start by giving yourself permission to MAKE the time and follow through.

Bill Corbett has a degree in clinical psychology and is the author of the award winning book “Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids,” in English and in Spanish.  He is happily married with three grown children, two grandchildren, and three step children.  You can visit his Web site www.CooperativeKids.com for further information and parenting advice.

Happy Parent (or Teacher), Happy Child

Two pianos were sitting next to each other in a room.  A person sitting at one piano pressed one key, causing a tone to fill the air.   Instantly, the string responsible for creating the same tone on the OTHER piano began to vibrate.  This isn’t the start of a joke, but an experiment that has been tested by physics experts.  The tone created by the first piano is a wave of vibrations that are absorbed by the strings on the other piano.  The one string on that other piano capable of producing the same tone that filled the air, responds by amplifying its own vibration.

People behave in a similar manner as pianos.  When one person enters a room expressing emotion, it is quite likely that one or more other persons in that room are likely to instantly take on that emotion.  Has this ever happened to you; your significant other or child began to express an intensified level of joy, excitement, worry, fear or anger, and before you realized it, you too were feeling a similar sense of that same emotion?

We are emotional creatures and we are each capable of taking on the emotion of someone we care about.  A close friend stops by with sad news and instantly we feel sad.  Our child arrives home announcing ecstatically that she’s won an award and we too are now feeling great joy.  Our significant other wakes up in a bad mood and we seem to absorb those vibrations, suddenly becoming moody ourselves.

The parents I work with complain to me about their children; the kids won’t cooperate, they scream “NO” at their parents, they talk back, they have frequent meltdowns, and they won’t help out, just to name a few of the common challenges.  Some of the common causes of these types of frustrating behaviors are created by the parents, and include: a lack of consistency in rules, little or no boundaries, talking too much, too many outside activities for the kids to keep up with, too much ‘screen time,’ and not enough parent/child connection time.

But one of the biggest causes is a lack of peace and calmness in the adults who care for the children.  Like the pianos, parents who have not been taking good care of themselves transmit negative frequencies to their families and then wonder why they aren’t getting the level of cooperation and peacefulness they desire.  If you want peaceful children, you must first become a peaceful parent.

When I prescribe this solution to some parents however, I’m quickly met with resistance.  I hear comments such as, “When I can afford a nanny or a housekeeper, then I can become more calm and peaceful.”  I remember the challenge myself; employed full-time, working hard to maintain a peaceful home, and raising three young children who liked to fight and challenge me every step of the way.

I realized that it was my responsibility to do whatever it took to learn how to calm myself and to take better care of me.  I quickly discovered that during weeks when I made time to take care of myself physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally, it became easier for me to know how to handle situations at home and my children became easier to care for.  So what will YOU do this week to take better care of you?  Start by giving yourself permission to MAKE the time and follow through.