Stop Telling Preschoolers to "Share" and "Take Turns"

by Cheryl Hatch
Preschool Plan It

"Take Turns! Share!" Words we use every day.

A few months ago, I shared information about challenging preschool behavior and how we, as teachers can approach it.  But what about every day preschool behaviors?  

They feel pretty challenging even if they ARE developmentally appropriate, for sure! 

And we need to remember that it is our role, as the adult in the room, to help guide our children through the situations they face in the classroom each day--no prevent it or punish for it.

Sure, we certainly should know what triggers children to react negatively and do our best to provide an environment that does not create negative behavior.

We can provide multiples of popular toys and materials.  We can provide a space in the classroom to build that super high block structure that is not in the middle of the room and, therefore, in the major path of traffic.  There are many other areas we can observe, assess and do.  

Today, though, I want to make a suggestion about something you should STOP doing.

Stop using words like "Take Turns" or "We share the toys in school" and start showing them what that actually means!

We tend to think they know what it means to share or take turns, mostly because we or their parents have said it day in and day out!

But really, have we ever taken the time to really explain and show what those words mean?  Have we taken the time to think about what those words mean versus how we apply them to children?

What we sometimes have shown them is that sharing means relinquishing what they have to another child and that a person's turn is over when an adult says so, not because a person is done using an item.

I mean, let's face it, if you have 12 cars in front of you, you can share with me.
If you have 1 car in front of you, short of cutting it in half, you can't share it!

And, if you have the one car I want to use, we can take turns.  

However, what does that mean?  Usually the teacher sets a timer for 5 minutes and tells you that when the timer goes off, it's my turn.

But what if you are having that car go up that crazy, awesome block ramp you just built and it has to drive through the (imaginary) snow and mud to get to the top.  Now....you must decide......will it go down the ramp or will it use it's transformer wings to fly out of the snowstorm?  

Right when you are decided the fate of this car, the timer goes off and you are told that it's MY turn to use it.  BUT--YOU WEREN'T DONE USING IT YET!   

I used the timer method for a long time until I realized that it's not up to me to decide when or how long a child's turn is.  It is up to the person using the item!

Real life comparison:  

Let's say another adult in your home is using the one laptop in the house.  They are sending an email or writing a paper.  If you ask them if you can use the laptop (aka: have a turn) when they are done, what happens?  

Most likely they respond with "Sure!", they finish their email or paper and let you know when they are done, right?

Would you ever set a timer for 5 minutes and, when the timer goes off, go over to that person, take the laptop out of their hands and say "Timer went off--my turn."?

Of course not!! The person who is using the laptop knows when they are done.

It should be the same for children.  

You:  Playing happily with potential flying car in the block area.

Me:   I want to use that car.

You:  But I'm using it right now.

Me:  But you've had it for a gazillion minutes.  MISS TEACHER!  She won't let me use the car!!!!

Teacher:  You need to share (or you need to take turns)!

You:  Well, it's my turn right now!

Me:  But I want a turn!!

Teacher:  We'll set the timer for 5 minutes and then it will be Cheryl's turn.

This is the typical approach.

Instead, it is my belief that we need to let the child decide when their turn is over.  It might be in 5 minutes, it might be at clean up time.  If that happens, you can always put a note on the toy or item that says "Cheryl's turn is tomorrow" and let me use it first tomorrow.

We need to approach every challenge as an opportunity to teach problem solving skills, including what sharing really means.  And what taking turns really means.

Children can not learn to negotiate problems if they are not allowed to have them.  

Some Resources To Provide Tips and Techniques

I have an article on the website about Behavior Guidance for other behavioral challenges we see day to day in the classroom.  It helps go over 4 steps to take to help decide HOW to approach different behaviors.

Click here to read the 4 Steps to Behavior Guidance in Preschool.

And if you missed my previous article on Challenging Preschool Behaviors, you will find that here.

About the author

Cheryl Hatch has taught and directed preschool programs for over 20 years.  She is the Creator and Owner of Preschool Plan It, a website dedicated to sharing preschool themes, activities, articles and training with early childhood educators.  She volunteers as the coordinator and teacher of the MOPPETS program in her town (a preschool program for the M.O.P.S.--Mothers of Preschoolers Program).  She has her undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education.  Cheryl has been an active, integral member and leader within the Teachers.Net Early Childhood community for many years, moderating live chats and providing peer support on the Preschool Teachers Chatboard.  You can read Cheryl’s articles, activities and themed preschool lesson plans at www.preschool-plan-it.com 

The Art of Synergy - how to create a sense of community

THE ART OF SYNERGY

Modeling how to create community for our next generation

Children!  

Our greatest global resource

Hi, it's Enrique from the Global Learning Foundation and the Sam the Ant team.  It's always exciting to share an idea and some strategies with you every month.  There are so many great ideas on this collaborative blog.  A simple one that I loved was Scott from Brick by Brick with his blog this past September titled Drawing on Mirrors.  I love how fundamental this particular strategy is because it allows the teacher/guide to create all sorts of learning opportunities.  It's open ended and that leads to questions, which can lead to inspiration, which leads to striving...

which leads to synergy!

What is synergy?

What does synergy look like?

Learning Guide and Learners co-discovering with young learners
being treated like co-creators, co-researchers and co-scientists.

John Coltrane and Miles Davis creating musical synergy in 1958

Synergy can be achieved in any moment and once
achieved it can be built upon, studied, practiced and elevated.

Synergy is not just any one moment, but a set of ongoing
moments which can culminate in the creation of something
physical, as is the case with this garden.

Synergy can built within families and friends.  The creation
of synergy in community is of critical importance to our
planet. This set of family and friends are in the UK.

The building of synergy can include modeling of ideas and it is important to also include opportunities for the learner to express their own desires and perspectives, as can be seen with the different levels of complexity of drawings, some by the adult, some by the young learner and some by both!

Synergy is like collaboration, but much more alive, open ended and has more energy associated with it because it involves multiple individuals or organizations not just working together, but openly exploring together.  For synergy to take place, it takes individuals and/or organizations which are truly open to creating ideas, which otherwise, would not have been possible.

Synergy can impact the effectiveness and productivity in any setting, and the setting itself can impact how comfortable we are to synergize, including the following.  We can take the time to set up any environment that fosters synergy and the settings which follow are excellent examples.

Early Childhood Classrooms

An early childhood classroom that uses both Reggio and Montessori inspired materials as provocations for the young learners who call this one of their homes.

You can learn more about the above classroom here.

Open up: Fuji Kindergarten by Tezuka Architects features an outdoor play area on its roof. | PHOTOGRAPHER: KATSUHISA KIDA/FOTOTECA; CREATIVE DIRECTOR KASHIWA SATO; LIGHTING DESIGNER: MASAHIDE KAKUDATE/MASAHIDE KAKUDATE LIGHTING ARCHITECT & ASSOCIATES,INC.

Fuji Kindergarten                                                                       (Yes, the top of this school is the roof, and yes, children are able to explore, run and interact with their surroundings)

The above kindergarten is a very effective example of a physical structure which not only invites synergy, but also ignites it! When first meeting Takaharu and Yui, the husband-and-wife team who created Fuji Kindergarten, you are immediately drawn to their playful spirit. “Our architecture is about family — everything we learn, everything we do about architecture starts with our family,” says Takaharu. The Tezukas have two young children. The architects’ motto is: “If you don’t know happiness, how can you provide it to others?” Located in Tachikawa, western Tokyo, the 750-student, three-year preschool built in 2007 is a one-story structure in the shape of a donut. The entire school feels like a playground, from the open-air central courtyard to the building’s wide circular roof. Even the interior classroom areas follow an open-school plan where partitions separate sections and all furniture is moveable. Takaharu says the goal is for “these children to be stronger and more flexible.” The idea of non-linear structures is not new, yet not used as often as they should be used.  There are plenty of linear moments in our lives as human beings.  Non-linear visual stimuli and experiences ignite a different part of our brain. The part which is connected to creativity and innovation.

K - 12 Classrooms

A Waldorf school in Seattle.  This is a physical example of synergy!

Una de las clases de la escuela infantil waldorf de Belloterra, Spain.  A classroom from an early childhood classroom in Belloterra, Spain.

For more information on this classroom, click here.

It took children’s book illustrator Maira Kalman an entire year to track down the flea-market treasures that she transformed into the alphabet at the John Randolph School, P.S. 47 in the Bronx. The stimulating space is divided into colorful reading, research, and study areas with floor graphics, mobile shelving, and easily positioned tables and chairs, including Pierre Paulin’s “Orange Slice” chair, peeking out in the background. Photo ©Peter Mauss/Esto.  

Artist rendering of open kitchen and co-located teaching kitchen for upper and
lower elementary schools, Dillwyn, Virginia

Click here for more information on this idea. 

Anne Frank Inspire Academy Middle School in San Antonio, Texas

A signature Wall composed of cross sections of local wood contains

a storage area with whiteboard doors for brainstorming sessions

Blended Rehab of a space! American International School of Utah is a great example of rehabilitated retail space. Early grades use a Montessori approach. Intermediate grades are student-centered similar to another school worth visiting — Acton Academy. The high school has big blended blocks that use a mixture of learning spaces that allow for student choice and encourage ownership. The music and drama program are exceptional (featured here).

Green School in Bali combines a rigorous K-12 core curriculum with hands-on experiential learning within a Green Studies curriculum and a Creative Arts curriculum.

INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL OF BRUSSELS HIGH SCHOOL

Brussels, Belgium The International School of Brussels is an English-language international school that provides an international education to over 1500 students aged 2 ½ to 19 from 62 countries. The 40-acre secure campus lies in the Brussels commune of Watermael-Boitsfort.  As with the above examples, the physical structure is more open than most high schools, with more natural light and which impacts our minds in ways which can lead to more creative thought.  Creativity is the seeding ground for synergy.

Higher Education settings

Innovation is about to get easier, faster and more accessible at the University of Central Florida with the grand opening of four new labs known as Maker Spaces.  The above two images are examples of the creative use of space, color and light, which can all impact how quickly learners engage in synergistic activities.

Corporate settings

Google Office Spaces are designed for ignition of creativity. Synergy can become an expected part of daily activities!

BBC North Offices in England are designed with circular structures within a more traditional structure.  The color green has been shown by research as a color which invites 

both relaxation and creativity.

There are three areas, once experienced authentically over time, which lead to synergy. Inviting others to this process in an invitational way typically leads to a stronger sense of caring, community and increases the potential for synergy to arise.

THE ART OF THE QUESTION

• What kinds of questions do you tend to ask others?
• What kinds of questions do you tend to ask yourself?
• When someone asks you a questions, do you sometimes respond with a question that leads to even more conversation and thought?

As adults, we tend to ask questions for which we are hoping to hear a certain answer. This limits the response and when working with young children, we want to expand the possible responses. We all want our children to feel free and strong enough to answer authentically... and explore just as freely!

THE ART OF INSPIRATION

When we think of inspiration, we sometimes think of what inspires us. Other times we think about what inspires others. I'd like you to think about:

• What inspires others to be inspired?
• What inspires others to inspire others?

When we take the time to observe how children interact with other children, adults and even animals, we will see some wonderful examples of this. We'll also see attempts that are unsuccessful, yet in the attempt there is the "learning how to inspire and be inspired" which can most certainly take place, depending on how we, as the adult guide, position their attempt.

THE ART OF STRIVING

Paralympic Games in London

When many think of striving, we think of working hard and certainly work ethic is a key variable. I'd like you to ask yourself the following questions related to your work with children and your own circle of friends and colleagues:

• When you feel happy, what is it that prompts that feeling of happiness?
• When you achieve a goal, what is it that prompts that feeling of achievement?
• When you feel negative in some way, what is it that prompts that feeling?
• When you miss a goal, do you always feel a sense of disappointment?  Why or why not?
• What percentage of people in your life actively support your projects and your general approach to life?

From my own experience and the many years of experience in synergizing with children and colleagues, the Art of Striving is all about finding what feeds our energy tank.  When we connect to the things and people that give back positive energy, it creates a win-win scenario. This typically feels like I am going with the current of a river.... I feel like I'm going downstream, with the flow, living in the moment.... and THAT.... feels absolutely liberating. I encourage you to take some time to think about that and talk about this with your friends and colleagues.

And now a gift for all of you that will help you and your children explore The Art of the Question, The Art of Inspiration and The Art of Synergy all in the form of a children's book...for free!  Click on FREE Sam the Ant ebook and enjoy this story which embodies everything in this blog.

An example from a page of Sam the Ant - The Flood (Book 1)

Cheers!

Enrique

*

Public Speaker

*

Founder, Global Learning Foundation

*

Co-Creator, Sam the Ant Children's Books

*

Producer, Kaleidoscope, 

a new Children's Music Album

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Effects of Unemployment on Preschoolers and How Teachers Can Support Families

5 Tips Teachers Can Use To Help Families

The U.S. unemployment rate varies.  We have seen it as high as 10.08% to 5.5%.  Regardless of the percentage, approximately 12% of that number represents families according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Here are some things you can do as a teacher to help your preschool students and families during this time.

Behavioral changes due to the stress caused by unemployment and other family life changes in the home can be seen at school as well as at home.  Below you will find information, ideas and resources addressing how we, as teachers, can help the children in our care and their families.

The Effects of Unemployment on Preschoolers

We can only imagine the day to day stress in the home that affects the entire family.  Many times, the preschool teacher may not be aware of this situation. The families may be worried about how to pay the preschool tuition in addition to paying other bills and, therefore, not share this information with you. 

This jobless situation may cause the family to need to withdraw their child from care for the obvious financial reasons. Many families try to keep their children enrolled not only to give them time to job search, but also to give their child continuity during this uncertain time.

Preschool children’s lives are based on daily routines and it is how they “tell time”. They may not be aware of the job loss at home or what it means, but they do know that something is different.

Mom or Dad is, for example, wearing blue jeans while dropping them off to school today and Mom or Dad only wear blue jeans on "their day off". Preschool children may react by having sudden separation issues from their parent (they want to take the day off with them!).

This is only one example of a small, but significant to the preschooler, routine that is different for them. Changes in routines at this age cause confusion and may show itself in behavioral issues not typical for this child.

Some effects of a job loss in the home on young children can include:

• Behavioral changes such as sudden or renewed separation anxiety.
• Hitting, biting or other uncharacteristic increase in aggressive behavior. This can be from confusion due to changed routines, lack of sleep or perhaps even hunger.
• Decreased concentration and memory (from lack of sleep, poor nutrition and/or chronic stress).

5 Things Teachers Can Do To Help

1.  Stick with routines; maintain consistency.  

Families should try their best to keep their daily routines (such as morning routines, bedtimes and daily chores) as consistent as possible. 

Teachers should, as discussed above, keep routines the same. The consistency and predictability will help the preschooler feel more secure.

2.  Communicate often and always.  

Families: Communication is key. It is important to have a good raport with families from the beginning. Remind them that together, you are a team looking out for the best interest of their child. 

Teachers: This is obvious, but let's revisit!  Listen, listen and listen some more-to the families and to the children. You will learn much by setting up your day in a way that there is much time for the teachers to sit and interact with the children.

3.  Keep kids (and families) involved in healthy habits.

Children (and adults!) tend to have more restless energy when stressed. Preschoolers need strategies to help burn that off! 

Families:  Encourage the parent to include their preschooler on a daily walk to burn off any stress or anxiety together and for some nice together time. 

Teachers: If you notice that this preschooler has a lot of energy at a certain time of day, they probably need to burn it off! Consider adding a music and movement, gross motor or outside time to your day for all the children during this time.

4.  Adopt a good behavior plan from the beginning of the school year.

Families should make every effort to keep the same behavior expectations and consequences in place. This is easier said than done when we are not the ones unemployed. Parents may need your help figuring out with "battles to fight". 

Teachers: As discussed above, it is so important to keep your routines and expectations the same. Do not allow inappropriate behaviors to “slide” because you know where it’s coming from. It’s still not o.k. to hurt our friends or throw our toys. Be consistent with these expectations and redirect the child acting out. Let them know you understand that they are angry, however you cannot let them _________ (throw toys, push others, etc.).  

5.  Demonstrate and verbalize your love.  

Families: The old adage is true! “Hug long, hard and often!” The amount of stress, fear and anxiety the family is under during unemployment is tremendous. Their thoughts are in 19 different directions. Much of the thoughts are fearful ones: Will we be able to pay the rent/mortgage? Is there enough to pay the utilities? What about food? What if I don't find a job soon? Remind them to take a break and just be-read a story with their kids and take time for an extra hug! 

Teachers: Reach out to families. Offer books or book lists to help with this time of separation for their children. Also, occasionaly send home a thinking of you card or a joke to make them laugh. Remind them that you are thinking of them!

In Summary

Being unemployed or underemployed can become long-term in this economy, therefore so can be the stress and affects on the children. Be aware of changes in behavior and keep the communication with parents open and constant!

Book List Suggestions Regarding Unemployment for Children

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Mommy Works, Daddy Works by Marika Pedersen

My Dad Takes Care of Me by Patricia Quinlan

No-Job Dad by James Malone

Book List Suggestions Regarding Unemployment for Adults

Effects of Job Loss on Family (Focus on Family Matters) by Michele Alpern

Little Victories: Conquering Unemployment by Tom Brophy

Unemployment: The Shocking Truth of Its Causes, Its Outrageous Consequences And What Can Be Done About It by Jack Stone and Joe McCraw

Other Resources Regarding Unemployment

State by State Unemployment Resources

About the author

Cheryl Hatch has taught and directed preschool programs for over 20 years.  She is the Creator and Owner of Preschool Plan It, a website dedicated to sharing preschool themes, activities, articles and training with early childhood educators.  She volunteers as the coordinator and teacher of the MOPPETS program in her town (a preschool program for the M.O.P.S.--Mothers of Preschoolers Program).  She has her undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education.  Cheryl has been an active, integral member and leader within the Teachers.Net Early Childhood community for many years, moderating live chats and providing peer support on the Preschool Teachers Chatboard.  You can read Cheryl’s articles, activities and themed preschool lesson plans at www.preschool-plan-it.com