Helping Preschoolers Adjust to a New Baby in the House

Hi! I'm Ayn and I am a Ga. Pre-K teacher, serving 4 and 5 year olds in an inclusive setting. I share my classroom adventures on my blog, little illuminations. 

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This is not my typical post, but as this is something that happens to children in my classroom frequently, I thought I would share some ideas about how to help preschool children transition to a new baby in the house. Parents often come to me to ask for ways to help them manage the mix of emotions the children are feeling about becoming a big brother or sister, the demands of a new baby in the house and even some of the feelings of displacement they feel. Occasionally, I am the one who sees the children acting out their frustrations at school and behaving in ways that have not been typical for them up to that point. I am not an expert, just a Pre-K teacher with lots of real world experience! Every year, I usually have a few families having babies. This year, we've had 3 new babies already and two more families are expecting. 

Having a new baby in the family is quite an adjustment for a young child. It doesn't matter if the new baby is the first sibling or the seventh. Each new baby adds a new dimension to the family and creates a jostling of the family dynamics that can throw a child into a tailspin. Today, I'm sharing some of the ways families can work together to help the preschool child and lessen the anxiety of a new family member.

1. Talk about the the new baby beforehand and realistically explain that there will be times that the new baby's needs will come first. Hearing all about how wonderful a new baby is going to be, only to discover that the baby is creating demands that take you and your time away from him only heightens the jealously. 

2. When people come to see the new baby and bring gifts, make sure you have something special for your child. It is hard for the sibling to see a new baby getting showered with gifts and attention. Make sure your preschooler is included in the attention and not left to the sidelines. When my youngest was born, we gave my older daughter a special doll from the baby. Later, she often changed the doll's diapers and gave it a bottle while we were doing the same for the baby. 

3. Enlist your child's help and give her a few special jobs. These jobs may be things that are helpful to you for the baby's care or they may be other jobs around the house that only "big kids" can help with. 

4. Spend quality time with your preschooler without the baby. It's hard getting time away from the new baby, but it is important that your preschooler has some special time with you that is baby-free. It may only be storytime or a game during baby's nap time, but let your preschooler see that they are still a very important part of your life and that you still have time for them! Quality time alone with aunts, uncles, grandparents or special family friends is also a great way to help children feel important. Enlist other adults in your preschooler's life to help, if possible!

5. Talk to your preschooler and LISTEN! Let them know that their feelings are perfectly natural and that it is okay to experience some jealously or resentment. Sometimes the children don't have the words to express themselves and that is why they act out. Talk about why they may be feeling sad or jealous and ask what they think you can do to help them feel better about the situation. Let them know that while they may not hurt the new baby in any way, it is okay to talk to you about being angry, hurt or jealous. Don't diminish their feelings--let them know that their feelings are natural and it is perfectly okay to feel them.

I know of one family that when baby number seven came along, baby number five wanted no part of it. When the baby cried, he tried to push "that cat-baby" away so he didn't have to hear it crying. Mom talked with him and acknowledged his feelings. He was given some special places to go in the home where he wouldn't be disturbed by "cat-baby"'s crying. Several months later, he is coming around and starting to interact more and more with the baby. 

6. Read lots of books about becoming a big brother or sister. Knowing that they are not the only child to experience these mixed emotions can really help. I'll include several of my favorites at the bottom of this post. Most of my favorites are humorous children's books--after all, laughter is the best medicine!

7. Give it time. It takes time for a family to adjust to a new situation. Preschoolers need a little time to learn the changing family dynamics and discover their new role. 

Fun books for new brothers and sisters:

    

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Five Tips for Surviving the End of School!

"These kids are driving me crazy!"
"They've got spring fever!"
"They should know better than this by now!"
"Boy, my class has gotten squirrely lately!"
I CAN'T WAIT TILL SUMMER VACATION!!!!!

Do any of these phrases sound familiar?  It is not uncommon for behaviors to change toward the end of the school year leading to lots of frustration.  It can be such a bittersweet time of the year for students and teachers alike!

The end of the school year is the splattered with a large array of emotions. One of the key triggers is all the pending transitions from what is familiar into the unknown.  In just a few short weeks children will be leaving a familiar children, teachers and routines to prepare to do it all over again in the fall with a new children, teachers and brand new routines.  This can create a lot of anxiety which results in "mis"behavior and leaves you feeling like your backpedaling!

The good news is we have a CHOICE!!!  We can choose to punish these challenging behaviors and get all stressed out about how out of control it has become OR we can see the behavior as communication of some unmet needs.  If we choose the later, then we remain in our brilliance and have the ability to manage our own stress and help the children do the same! 

I have had many colleagues over the years who do end of school countdowns.  I have mixed opinions about such countdowns.  Although they give us a timeline for the end of the school year, they also tend to come with the message "I can't wait till its over."  This creates a survival mindset.  It increases anxiety, sadness, and frustration.  You have spent all year building safety, trust, and loving relationships with these beautiful children and now you can't wait till it ends?

Perhaps you could choose to see it differently this year...

Are you willing to take a new perspective?  Let's try this:  "How can I make the days count rather than counting the days?"  If so, you will create new possibilities for yourself and your students!

Here are a few tips you could try to help you manage stress AND make the last precious days with your students count!

1.  Maintain a routine as well as you can.  Although many of the academic requirements are winding down, do what you can to give your students the structure they need in order to be successful.  Continue the rhythm of your day that they are used to!  This video demonstrates the arrival routine in a first grade classroom.  Your routines are like the skeleton that "holds up" the rest of your day!  Make sure you include visuals and model your expectations or "remind" them of the routine even though it is the end of the year.   

 

 

 

2. Be very intentional about including stress management strategies throughout the day.  These might include music and movement, deep breathing exercises, stretching, brain breaks, and visualizations.  Here is a video of Dr. Becky Bailey demonstrating some breathing strategies with a group of young children.  Take time to breathe every day!

3. Provide more information about the upcoming grade level.  For example, have an "ambassador" from the next grade level come and tell your students what to expect in Kindergarten.  I often hear teachers use threats such as, "they won't let you get away with that in Kindergarten" in an attempt to make children behave.  That strategy relies on fear in an attempt to manipulate behavior.  It would be more helpful to see the transition as similar to a visit to a foreign country.  Provide children with a tour guide, road maps, and all the helpful information you can as they plan for their new adventure!  This will be very beneficial in managing much of the anxiety that is bubbling up inside your little ones!

When I taught preschool, we planned a "field trip" to kindergarten.  Each of my preschoolers were paired up with a "tour guide" who showed them around the kindergarten classroom and helped them become familiar with this new environment.  The kindergarten children created books for the preschoolers about what to expect in kindergarten!  It was such a fun activity!

4. Increase rituals and focus on relationship and  remembering.  Make time to connect daily with your children.  You can do this through songs, finger plays, partner games, and whole group activities.  Be sure to include opportunities for eye contact, touch, presence, and playfulness.  Here is an example of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" with kindergarten students as a connecting activity.  This activity is also great for increasing impulse control and cooperation because it helps children access their executive function.

 

 

Wishing Well!  All year long we practice wishing well when members of our School Family are missing.  We tell the children that we will hold them in our hearts while their upset, sick, or absent from our School Family.  A couple of years ago we added this end of the year  ritual to symbolize our connection as a School Family.  Each child's name is written on a puzzle piece.  At our end of the year celebration, each child adds their piece to the puzzle to represent the fact that they will always hold a very special place in our hearts.  We also use this special heart with the new preschoolers the following year to represent the special children that have come before them!

   

Safekeeper Ritual!  The Safekeeper Ritual is a representation that we use in our Conscious Discipline classroom all year long.  It symbolizes the teacher's commitment to "keep the children safe" and their commitment to "help keep it safe."  This commitment becomes especially important as the end of the school year looms near.

5. Focus on the Favorites and HAVE FUN!  One thing I did at the end of every school year was to allow the children to vote on their favorite activities.  This was a great opportunity to "remember" the many fun and meaningful activities we had done in just a few short months.  During the last couple of weeks of school we revisited those activities and did some literacy activities associated with them as we wrapped up the year.

Of course, one of our all time favorites was Pete the Cat.  Pete was such a great example of keeping your cool by taking a deep breath and being a S.T.A.R. (smile, take a deep breath, and relax) when the world wasn't going your way.  So it only seemed appropriate to use these favorite children's books as a part of our end of the year activities!

Pete the Cat Bulletin Board for upcoming students

Pete the Cat book with group photo gift for each student





 

I hope this helps you have a new perspective on the "end of the year crazies".  Yes, it is frustrating when you have so many things that need to be done and the children's behavior is more squirrely than usual.  You hope that they would behave differently and demonstrate the skills you know they have.  Using just a few simple strategies can really help you AND your students have a more positive experience and leave you feeling full of joy and happiness as you stroll into summer with a smile on your face!  Because it's "all good!"

As always, I'm wishing you well!
Jenny Spencer, Conscious Discipline Certified Instructor
Ignite Learning LLC
www.ignitelearningllc.blogspot.com