Get the book that provides many answers.
When we compared notes with other parents in casual conversations, we realized we weren’t unusual. We were normal. Busy. Stressed. Doing our best.
But while I couldn’t do much about corporate deadlines or growing grass, I became increasingly focused on one question: How could I become a better father?
I wanted our children to get along better. I wanted more cooperation. I wanted our home to feel less reactive and more connected. I quickly realized that yelling and punitive discipline weren’t producing the results I hoped for. In fact, they seemed to be making things worse.
And I knew something else with absolute clarity: I did not want to repeat the patterns I had grown up with. My father was abusive. My mother was abused. I had no intention of passing that legacy forward.
But if not that… then what?
With a project-manager mindset and a growing education in psychology, I began searching for better answers. I started reading parenting books. I studied parenting styles and psychological theories. I asked a more refined version of my original question: What are better parenting techniques for raising independent, drug-free, cooperative children?
In 1995, while still working my corporate job, I launched an organization called Cooperative Kids. Drawing on established psychological principles and practical parenting models, I began developing and testing approaches in my own home.
Our family became my practice ground. When something worked, I observed why. When something backfired, I adjusted it. I kept notes. I paid attention to patterns. I refined the language. I measured results.
Over time, something remarkable began happening. Our children expressed their feelings more openly. Agreements replaced arguments. We raised our voices less. Punishment became less necessary. And yes, cooperation increased.
One day, my wife saw our son cleaning up without being told and asked, “How did you get him to do that?!” The answer wasn’t magic. It wasn’t fear. It wasn’t control. It was understanding.
Influenced by Adlerian psychology, positive-discipline principles, and decades of developmental research, I came to a simple but transformative conclusion:
Misbehavior is communication.
When children “act out,” they are often attempting to meet a legitimate emotional need in ineffective ways.
If we could understand the need behind the behavior, and teach more appropriate ways to meet it, cooperation became far more natural.
The notes I recorded in those early years became the foundation for workshops, parenting classes, and eventually the material for my books, courses and other materials.
From 1995 to 2012, I taught my Love, Limits & Lessons course at many Montessori schools in MA and CT. Two of those schools that asked me to return over and over were The Montessori School of the Berkshires and The Longmeadow Montessori in Longmeadow, MA.
My newest book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: THE PARENT TOOLBOX is not theory alone. It is lived, tested, refined practice, built in the real world, with real children, under real stress.
