Parenting - The Everyday Hero!

The Everyday Heros

What is means to be a parent

We each have our own perspective, experience, triumphs and challenges when it comes to being a parent. I am in my 22nd year as a parent with two children whom I have guided as best I can, and still do.  My parenting experience has been with my partner and love, who happens to be my wife, Marie Sierra.

We’re not perfect parents… no such thing. What makes me the happiest as a parent today is that both our 18 and 22 year old talk with us openly about everything, and I mean absolutely everything, no matter how shocking it might be.  This open communication has led to some tense moments, but in the end, it has resulted in the four of us having an authentic, meaningful and relevant relationship.

So what does it mean to be a parent?  For me it has do with how I help my children think and perceive.  For me, it doesn’t have anything to do with telling them what to do.  I tried that as a young parent and the result was conflict, and depending on their personality, they might do whatever they want anyway.  Even if a child has a laid back personality and tends to follow directions, eventually, they will breakout and decide on their own actions. Better to help them self-regulate and be outstanding critical and creative thinkers.

Take a moment now and ask yourself the question, 

“What does it mean to be a hero?”

Doesn’t a hero empower others?  Help others? Look for the good in others?  Is a role model for others?

Hold on… that sounds a lot like a parent!  

And I believe a parent is a hero.  The only real question is 

“What kind of hero/parent are you choosing to be?”

Here are some simple (not always easy) strategies which have helped Marie and me in our journey through parenthood.  

1. Ask your children questions as often as you can instead of making statements.  When you do, make sure to be patient enough to listen.

2. Read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and know your children’s love language preferences.  This will improve how you connect with them.  Ask your child the question, “How do you know I love you?”  Their answer will give you a clue as to how you can improve with how you show your love for them.

3. Read to your child everyday starting when they are in the womb.  When you do, and they interrupt you, give them time to say whatever it is they are saying.  Listen carefully and find a way to connect what they are saying, to the book or if that isn’t possible, connect their comments to their interests.

One of all-time favorites, "Jazzy in the Jungle" by Lucy Cousins!

Bilingual books that help young learners learn two languages!  They also introduce concepts like embracing multiple perspectives, seeing diversity as strength and looking for opportunity in adversity.  Co-written with my daughter Sam Sierra-Feldman 

www.SamTheAnt.com

The second book in the series.... it's one big story and each book has a perspective twist!

4. Make puppets with your children from old socks and markers.  Let your child make their own puppet, without your help or perhaps with a little help if needed.  Use the puppet to model different kinds of behaviors.  Encourage your child to be the puppets teacher.  Use the puppets to breathe deeply (see #7).

The famed puppet "Eddie the Elephant" who is known for helping children and adults learn how to breathe!  You can accomplish that and much more with a handmade puppet from a sock.

5. Play Early Classical music for your children like Mozart, Bach, and Vivaldi.

Great early classical compilation CD I produced in 2004 and is still heavily requested.  Found online at the above link.

6. Practice basic yoga with your children.  There are plenty of free videos on line.  Look for something that is at the beginner level and child-friendly.  This will set their body and mind up for success early on.

7. Breathe deeply with your children when they wake up, before meals and before going to bed.

Know that if you are a parent, you are a hero and if you see yourself as a hero, you’d make one heck of a parent!

Cheers!

Enrique

Co-Author, Sam the Ant Children’s Book Series

Music Producer of Music for Relaxed Environments

Music Producer of Children’s Music

Public Speaker

Why Dads Don't Take Parenting Classes

A young intern working on a research project contacted me to ask me a few questions about dads, parenting classes and getting them to engage more with their kids. He told me that his team at the University of Wisconsin-Madison was developing intervention programs to support fathers and to find the best ways of engaging them in programs.

He implied there was a belief that men don’t like to take parenting classes and they were trying to find out why. I shared with him that I do occasionally get some dads who contact me for parent coaching or even some who show up at my parenting classes, but mostly it’s the moms who aren't afraid to seek out help.

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One of the questions he asked me was, do I interact differently with women as opposed to men in my coaching sessions. I told him that a large part of my training with parents is to help them understand the emotional intelligence aspect of their child and if their emotional needs aren’t met, there is likely to be less cooperation and more misbehavior. Moms get the emotional intelligence of parenting more easily than dads do. Therefore I have to engage the fathers in other ways.

So he asked me if I use different teaching methods when I have men in the sessions. I told him that we men tend to be more visual learners and therefore, I use more video demonstrations or role play to create common situations they may find at home with their kids.

Next he asked me, “What concerns do fathers tend to bring up in contrast to those brought up by mothers?” My answer to that was that women seem to bring up more questions that involve relationships, feelings, and communication. Men on the other hand seem to ask more questions about day-to-day cooperation, following through with tasks, and examining children’s skills and abilities.
His last question was about why dads seem to be less interested in parenting classes.

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Based on dads that I’ve spoken to, some men feel that it is a sign of weakness to admit that you need help in parenting and just do the best they can, while others believe that parenting and discipline is more of a woman’s job and just leave it all to them. There is one more group of dads I’ve noticed who have the “I gave at the office” mentality. In other words, they believe they work hard all day long and disciplining the kids should not be one of their responsibilities when they get home.

To women who want to know how to get their husbands on board to help more with the kids, or to get them to join you at parenting classes, here are some quick tips. Communicate what you want from your partner clearly and don’t assume anything. DO NOT criticize him when he makes an attempt to discipline and he fails (instead encourage him), especially in front of the kids. Finally, make the effort to have private conversations with him to get on the ‘same page’ with parenting before handling certain situations with the kids.

Bill Corbett has a degree in clinical psychology and is the author of the award winning book “Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids,” in English and in Spanish.  He is happily married with three grown children, two grandchildren, three step children, and lives in Enfield.  You can visit his Web site www.CooperativeKids.com for further information and parenting advice.