Stop Telling Preschoolers to "Share" and "Take Turns"

by Cheryl Hatch
Preschool Plan It

"Take Turns! Share!" Words we use every day.

A few months ago, I shared information about challenging preschool behavior and how we, as teachers can approach it.  But what about every day preschool behaviors?  

They feel pretty challenging even if they ARE developmentally appropriate, for sure! 

And we need to remember that it is our role, as the adult in the room, to help guide our children through the situations they face in the classroom each day--no prevent it or punish for it.

Sure, we certainly should know what triggers children to react negatively and do our best to provide an environment that does not create negative behavior.

We can provide multiples of popular toys and materials.  We can provide a space in the classroom to build that super high block structure that is not in the middle of the room and, therefore, in the major path of traffic.  There are many other areas we can observe, assess and do.  

Today, though, I want to make a suggestion about something you should STOP doing.

Stop using words like "Take Turns" or "We share the toys in school" and start showing them what that actually means!

We tend to think they know what it means to share or take turns, mostly because we or their parents have said it day in and day out!

But really, have we ever taken the time to really explain and show what those words mean?  Have we taken the time to think about what those words mean versus how we apply them to children?

What we sometimes have shown them is that sharing means relinquishing what they have to another child and that a person's turn is over when an adult says so, not because a person is done using an item.

I mean, let's face it, if you have 12 cars in front of you, you can share with me.
If you have 1 car in front of you, short of cutting it in half, you can't share it!

And, if you have the one car I want to use, we can take turns.  

However, what does that mean?  Usually the teacher sets a timer for 5 minutes and tells you that when the timer goes off, it's my turn.

But what if you are having that car go up that crazy, awesome block ramp you just built and it has to drive through the (imaginary) snow and mud to get to the top.  Now....you must decide......will it go down the ramp or will it use it's transformer wings to fly out of the snowstorm?  

Right when you are decided the fate of this car, the timer goes off and you are told that it's MY turn to use it.  BUT--YOU WEREN'T DONE USING IT YET!   

I used the timer method for a long time until I realized that it's not up to me to decide when or how long a child's turn is.  It is up to the person using the item!

Real life comparison:  

Let's say another adult in your home is using the one laptop in the house.  They are sending an email or writing a paper.  If you ask them if you can use the laptop (aka: have a turn) when they are done, what happens?  

Most likely they respond with "Sure!", they finish their email or paper and let you know when they are done, right?

Would you ever set a timer for 5 minutes and, when the timer goes off, go over to that person, take the laptop out of their hands and say "Timer went off--my turn."?

Of course not!! The person who is using the laptop knows when they are done.

It should be the same for children.  

You:  Playing happily with potential flying car in the block area.

Me:   I want to use that car.

You:  But I'm using it right now.

Me:  But you've had it for a gazillion minutes.  MISS TEACHER!  She won't let me use the car!!!!

Teacher:  You need to share (or you need to take turns)!

You:  Well, it's my turn right now!

Me:  But I want a turn!!

Teacher:  We'll set the timer for 5 minutes and then it will be Cheryl's turn.

This is the typical approach.

Instead, it is my belief that we need to let the child decide when their turn is over.  It might be in 5 minutes, it might be at clean up time.  If that happens, you can always put a note on the toy or item that says "Cheryl's turn is tomorrow" and let me use it first tomorrow.

We need to approach every challenge as an opportunity to teach problem solving skills, including what sharing really means.  And what taking turns really means.

Children can not learn to negotiate problems if they are not allowed to have them.  

Some Resources To Provide Tips and Techniques

I have an article on the website about Behavior Guidance for other behavioral challenges we see day to day in the classroom.  It helps go over 4 steps to take to help decide HOW to approach different behaviors.

Click here to read the 4 Steps to Behavior Guidance in Preschool.

And if you missed my previous article on Challenging Preschool Behaviors, you will find that here.

About the author

Cheryl Hatch has taught and directed preschool programs for over 20 years.  She is the Creator and Owner of Preschool Plan It, a website dedicated to sharing preschool themes, activities, articles and training with early childhood educators.  She volunteers as the coordinator and teacher of the MOPPETS program in her town (a preschool program for the M.O.P.S.--Mothers of Preschoolers Program).  She has her undergraduate degree in Early Childhood Education.  Cheryl has been an active, integral member and leader within the Teachers.Net Early Childhood community for many years, moderating live chats and providing peer support on the Preschool Teachers Chatboard.  You can read Cheryl’s articles, activities and themed preschool lesson plans at www.preschool-plan-it.com 

Creating a Safe Zone For Kids

Hi! I'm Ayn and I am a Ga. Pre-K teacher, serving 4 and 5 year olds in an inclusive setting. I share my classroom adventures on my blog, little illuminations. 

Childhood is a magical time. It can also be very frustrating! Learning to navigate our own feelings and emotions and dealing with others' as well can be a slippery slope. Much of the time that children are acting out, they are actually struggling with managing their emotions. 

One of the ways I help children in my classroom learn to deal with emotions is by providing a "safe zone" for them to get away. Not so long ago, "time out" was the suggested way to deal with difficult behavior. A safe zone is NOT a "naughty chair/spot" or a time out area in the traditional sense. It does provide the child with an area to go for a "time out", but not as a punishment. The safe zone is a place where children can go to release emotions and take a few moments to regain composure. There may be a few times that I might suggest a child go to the safe zone to collect themselves, but most of the time the area is self-selected by the student without any adult prompting. Again, this is NOT a "time out" or punishment area!

One of the big conversations we have at the beginning of the year centers on talking about our safe zone. We discuss the reasons we have it, how to use it properly and the items that are available in the safe zone. I emphasize that it is not a punishment and that it is to be used only for a few minutes. 

Some of the items in our safe zone:

***soft toys to cuddle

***puppets to help act out frustrations and feelings

***a "squeeze" toy to release anger

(This one is just a stocking with a few rags stuffed inside and a face drawn on. )

***calming toys (I sometimes have a pinwheel in my box.)

***sensory bottles

***a writing box so children may write or draw about their problem

***picture chart of emotions

***books about emotions or anger

(I change the book titles out regularly. See below for some other great titles to add to your safe zone.)

***cushions, pillows, rocking chair (soft seating of some sort)

If a student has a particular item like a doll, blanket, book or other item that is soothing, they may bring it into the safe zone, as well.

I also have a few "portable" safe areas that can be used if the safe zone is in use, or the child prefers a different setting.

Some of the other "safe zones" in classrooms around our center:

One of the things I keep an eye out for is making sure that shy students are not using the area to withdraw from socialization. While this does happen, I have found that with guidance, the children most likely to withdraw can use this space as a place to "warm up" to the idea of interacting. After a few minutes, most children are ready to join a friend and begin playing.

I have also found that this is a great place for children with separation anxiety to transition to for a few minutes until they are ready to join the group. It is much less traumatic to sit in the quiet zone for a few minutes than to break down in the middle of the class. 

The sensory bottle pictured above is sweeping the blogosphere as a "time out" bottle. It is so easy to make and is so soothing to watch. I wish I could capture the beauty of the glitter in pictures, but photos just don't do them justice. All you need is a clear bottle and some glitter glue. I used about a half bottle of glitter glue and some warm water to dissolve the glue. I glued the top on to the bottle to secure it.

If you are looking for more sensory bottle ideas, I've devoted an entire post to sensory and discovery bottles here on PreK+K Sharing. You can find it here.

I hope you'll consider offering a "safe zone" in your home or classroom for the children in your care. It is one of the easiest ways to to help children self-regulate their emotions. I've found that the more ways I help children learn how to mange their emotions and frustrations, the less conflict and behavior problems I have to help them handle. 

Stop by and visit me anytime at littleilluminations.blogspot.com or visit the little illuminations fanpage on facebook! And be sure to check out PreK+K Sharing EEE!

 

Rewarding Good Behavior

 Do you celebrate or reward good behavior?  If so, how do you celebrate or reward it? 

At our school, we have Bee theme behavior system. PBIS is still running strong and so we have kept our school rules short and sweet. They are, Be Ready, Be Safe and Be Kind...thus the Bee theme. When students are caught following these rules without needing reminders, they earn a Bee Buck. A Bee buck is a little ticket that has our three school rules on it, a picture of a Bee and a place for the students’ name. 

At the beginning of the year, in my classroom, when kiddos earn a Bee buck, they will write their name on it and put it in the Bee Buck can. Kiddos also get to move their name up on our behavior chart if they earn a Bee Buck. At the end of each week, I pick a name from the can to be our Bee Buck Winner for the week. Their name is also read during morning announcements with the other Bee Buck winners from other classrooms.
After Christmas, students can still earn Bee Bucks but they must collect 10 Bee Bucks to be able to put them in the special can. Once they get 10…I count them, they kiddo’s put them in the can and then they get to choose a prize from my classroom treasure box.

At the end of each day, if students have been able to move their names up and they have stayed above green, they earn an m&m for each color above green they are. This is something they work VERY hard for! Students also color in their calendar for the day, so their parent’s know what color they were on for the day. I use these calendars from Lori Rosenberg over at Teaching With Love and Laughter. She has many wonderful things in her store! Check her out!! Just click on the calendar below! The clip chart is also the clip chart that I used in my classroom. 
The colors are as follows: Outstanding-Pink, Great Job-Purple, Good Day-Blue, Ready to Learn-Green, Think About It-Yellow, Teacher's choice-orange, Parent Contact-Red. Students can move up and down the chart all day long based on the choices they are making.

 

I also reward overall classroom behavior. I have a tally system. When my overall class is making a good choice (working quietly, waiting quietly, walking quietly in a line…etc), they earn a tally mark. If they are not making good choices as a class, I earn a point. When students get to 10 tally marks, they earn popcorn and a movie. If I get to 10 tally marks first, students owe me work time instead of choice/play time.
We have Bee trophies for classrooms that our principal catches Being Ready, Being Safe or Being kind throughout the week. The classroom winners are also announced during Friday announcements. Then our principal presents the winning classes with the trophy after announcements. I am proud to say that OUR CLASS WON THIS PAST WEEK!!!! YAAAAAHHHHH HOOOOOOO!!! We have been working so hard…and that hard work finally paid off!

 As you notice, our Bee trophy is decked out in glasses, a vest, skirt and even a purse! Each time a classroom win's the trophy, they add something special to the trophy. You may even notice that one class added a band-aide to her little leg. What should we add???


How do you reward good behavior? Leave a comment and share how you manage your classroom/child behavior! 

 Carie is a kindergarten teacher from Illinois who writes on the 17th of each month. She shares her experiences and ideas from her classroom, reading, writing, math, Art, and several other fun and exciting things!

Carie also writes her own blog: 

Kindergarten Hugs

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