I hear
parents complain that their kids don’t appreciate what they have. So much is
available to our kids today that it’s hard for them to imagine being without.
Then when they push their parents for more, it triggers a feeling of resentment
for the parents as they think about all they’ve done and provided for their
kids so far.
My own kids
occasionally threw in the, “All my friends have an (insert anyone of these
here: iPhone, TV, Xbox, Six Flags pass, etc.), why can’t I have one?” It’s
common for them to think that every other child has what they want, even though
it may not be true. Remain calm when they make these claims and stand firm in
your position to not cave at their demands.
Instead of
reminding your children of all that you’ve bought or done for them, let their
cries for more stuff be your reminder to get them involved in something that
gives to others. From food banks, to pet adoption groups, to the Salvation Army
and churches, all communities have opportunities for individuals, families and
even children to volunteer in service to others.
I read a
news story recently, featuring a 16-year-old boy in Rhode Island who started a project
of providing brand new donated shoes to homeless children. In the four years
it’s been running, he’s provided 16,000 pairs across 32 states. The article in
People magazine included testimony from recipients of this giving organization’s
gifts to families.
And where
did this admirable young man get the notion to start such a wonderful
organization? His parents took him to a homeless shelter when he was five years
old. When he realized that his light-up sneakers did not compare to the shoes
worn by the homeless children, which were falling apart, that experience
remained with him and influenced his actions as he approached the teen years.
As the story
supports, telling your children about those who are less fortunate than they
are, may not be enough to matter. When I was a child, I remember my elders
warning me about all the children that were starving in foreign countries, in
hopes of getting me to eat my dinner. Providing an experience for your children
in seeing and hearing from those less fortunate can make all the difference.
One final
thought on this matter of teaching children and teens to care. Suppose there
are some things that you do want to provide for them. Instead of running out
and making an instant purchase, consider a dollar-for-dollar matching
initiative if they have the means to earn money. Or at the very least, put
limitations on when and how long they can use the item. Delayed gratification
is something more children need to experience to appreciate what they do and do
not have.
Bill Corbett has a degree in clinical psychology and is the author of the
award winning book “Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising
Cooperative Kids,” in English and in Spanish.
He is happily married with three grown children, two grandchildren, and
three step children. You can visit his
Web site www.CooperativeKids.com for further information and parenting advice.
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