This brings me to one of the first ones I attended, way back in 1995. I was looking for parenting help as a father who didn't have a positive role model when I was growing up. I attended the Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) course for instructors in Tampa, FL, created by Kathryn Kvols. It instantly changed the way I parented my children and enhanced my relationship with my three.
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What I loved most about this course was how I had learned to, as Kathryn said, PAUSE BEFORE I PARENTED. The course taught me to stop and think about how my emotion in the moment may impact how I'm about to parent. It made me realize that in that moment, I was able to see my child's behavior in a different light.
Another thing I loved was what timeout should really look like. I liked that I had to know when I needed a timeout before my child did. There are moments in every parent’s journey when patience feels paper-thin—the morning rush, the endless bedtime routine, or the meltdown in the grocery store aisle.
You love your child deeply, but in those seconds, your calm starts to fray. That’s often when we instinctively send our children to a timeout. But here’s something powerful to consider: before teaching your child about timeouts, you might need to take one yourself.
The Lesson They’re Really Learning
breath, and give ourselves a moment to reset, we show our children what emotional regulation looks like in action. It tells them: “Big feelings are okay. What matters is how we handle them.”
Timeouts—for parents and children alike—aren’t about punishment. They’re about creating space for calm and connection to return.
What a Parent Timeout Looks Like
Your version of a timeout doesn’t have to be elaborate or long. It might be stepping onto the porch for a breath of fresh air. Sitting quietly in your favorite chair, face in your hands, collecting your thoughts. Closing your eyes and silently reminding yourself, “This is hard, but I can handle it.” These moments of pause aren’t about giving up—they’re about grounding yourself before you guide your child.
PLACE A VISUAL TIMER IN YOUR CHILD'S SELF-QUIETING SPACE.
Helping Your Child Do the Same
When you model calm, your child learns calm. Try reframing “timeout” in your home as a “calm-down break.” You might say, “We both need a minute to cool off. Let’s take our time, and then we’ll talk.” By doing this, you’re teaching your child that: Emotions are temporary. Breaks are healthy. Love and connection remain steady, even when tempers flare. Over time, this builds emotional intelligence and resilience—skills that serve children for a lifetime.
A New Way to See Timeout
Imagine your child looking through the window and seeing you take a quiet moment—not in defeat, but in self-care. That image is more powerful than a thousand lessons. Parenting isn’t about perfection. It's important to demonstrate to our children that we are also learning how to navigate life's challenges with grace.
Final Thought
Before guiding your child through their next timeout, pause and ask yourself, “Do I need one, too?” Sometimes the most powerful parenting starts not with control, but with calm.
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